As I sit here in my sweats watching Sleepless in Seattle, there are a strewn of thoughts just floating through my brain. For starters, how do I get rid of the ever-expanding and ichy acne that seems to be threatening to take over my entire face. Why is it that miracles seem more frequent during Christmas time? Is it because people are reminded of Christ's birth hence more willing to serve and be kind towards others? And if so, knowing we have the potential to do good,  why is it that miracles don't occur year round more often? Why is it that we forget about what matters the most until we're so deep in trouble that the dark abyss is all we see? Why is it that when we put our trust and faith in God despite how bleak the situation is, life usually turns out in the most unexpected of ways and better than what we can ever imagine? Why is it that with all the revelations and changes that I've made in my personal life over this past year, I still seem unable to answer the simple core questions or "Who I am" and "What I want"? And sometimes it seems with all the changes, nothing seems to really change at all. Hmm, and what is it about love? Seriously. What is it about love that changes us inside and out and make us the best version of ourselves? And what is it about love that gives us hope and makes us so unequivocally happy in a world that's spirally downwards? And what can we do to channel and find and further foster and nature the good, the love in others to make the world a better place? Questions.

Ironically, even though I'm burden financially, morally wrought and torn.  I feel strangely at ease. It seems like I'm finally at the point in my life where I'm within grasping reach of everything that I want. Or at least it seems to be the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I feel errily calm. Or perhaps I'm just aclimated to the feeling of stress and ever growing list of responsibilities and civic awareness. Honestly though in the midst of the chaos and looming impending doom of the world and my bank account, it does seem like my life is sorta finally getting together and my dreams are plausible and not just a fiction of my overactive imagination.

All my metaphorical ducks are finally starting to gather together forming some sort of line marching/waddling to my beat. I've grown and changed a lot this past year. I have nutured and gained a testimony of the church for my own. I have finally begin to forge a real relationship with my parents, telling them through written and verbal words that I love them. The first "I love you's" ever uttered in the Wong household. Despite the date-rape and the many abusive or psychotically attached boys; I've finally learned how to stand up for myself and gain the meaning of true happiness and self-worth that is not contingent upon the boys/men I have in my life. I have learned the true meaning of love and courage, thanks to Peter. I have learned the true meaning of friendship and sacrifice, thanks to Janee. I've got a glimpse of the potential of humanity and it's immeansurable power to influence good and change, thanks to my juvenile dilequents. And despite all the ebs and flows of life, all of its twists of trials and blessings, I've learned the meaning of hope. Perhaps Necey is finally growing up and becoming an adult (plus the acne is slowly disappearing, YAY )

A text from the Boy. "I love you. I'll never leave you. We are perfect together."

What is your purpose? If you had to describe your calling in life, what would you say? What are you here to do? What gift is yours to give to the world?
To be the change that I think the world or my immediate circle of associates needs. By learning, serving, inspiring, and dreaming.

What do you love, and how do (or will) your actions demonstrate this? What do you care about, and what do you most enjoy doing?
I love individuals but I hate crowds. Perhaps it's the mob mentality that I despise, the implication of crowds that slumps people into mere sheep following an invisible shepherd, or a machine without a brain, merely operating without life and meaning.  I believe that crowds and mob mentality however prevalent in our society today undermines the ideal of the infinite power of the individual. The infinite power to do good in a world that seems to be circling the drain down to a foreboding end or abyss. I love getting to know the individual. The stories behind each individual's make up, why they are the way they are. What are their belief systems, their passions, their doubts and fears, their goals and aspirations? Everyone has something to share, be it an insightful comment or theory that inspires a generation or a talent or invention that revolutionize the world, or just a simple smile to brighten another's day. And my part in this cosmic outreach would be to awaken and aid others in their potential to change the world. To spend some time each day out of society's hustle and bustle, to sit in the quiet and talk to someone. I wish to take time and effort to truly get to know the individual and to leave them better than when I found them, and maybe even to inspire them to foster and perpetuate their goodness in themselves and others.

Write your ideal job description. (250 words or less) If you could get paid just devote you life to? What would your days be like?
The mediator. If I could get paid to devote my life to something, I would want it to not only be something that I enjoy but also to something that will have profound impact on the lives that I've touched, in so much that perhaps the effect might transcend generations and cultural barriers. A day in the life of a mediator could almost be comparable to monks or missionaries, except instead of an emphasis on a religious figure. I would emphasis on the individual. My goals are not one of nihilism or atheism, but instead to explore and expose the similarities between the difference and sometimes warring religious, political, and societal beliefs and norms. To allow enemies to walk in the other's shoes, so that all may better comprehend each other. To foster and promote the inner light and good that is inherent in each individual, to harness that diminishing hope in society and in individuals to unite and create life-altering and life-saving changes that would inspire others to be brave. To inspire others to rally behind a common good, to allow our differences to complement each other not drive a wedge between the two. The mediator would also concentrate-accepting and supporting without judgment-- helping individuals examine the motives behind their desires and then to carry out those righteous desires to fulfill their potential and to help them realize that they could be the change they wish to see in the world.

I used to think that crafting New Year Resolutions belong to two groups the sappy optimists or or societal proletariats. Sappy optimists that make resolutions and because they believe; only for half to crack under the pressure 3 months into the new year, and for the other half to be driven borderline the point of obessession. And societal proletariats or drones in the sense that they make New Year Resolution because it's tradition, it's part of societal norm. It's simply something that one does comes the end of December and the looming of January. But perhaps I'm being too cynical because as I have been looking back on this past year, my reflection has not only filled me with an overwhelming sense of gratitude but it has also caused me to look forward. And these are some of my New Year's Resolution.

• Pray and read scriptures daily
• Cultivate faith, hope, and charity
• Trust in the Lord: Consult Him in all things
• Bear my testimony
• Pray and fast for a personal revelation
• Blog/Write in journal weekly
• Fast weekly
• Lose weight
• No sugar and no fried foods
• Work out 5 days a week
• Save Money: Buy a new laptop and a new used car, ticket to Hawaii and Texas and California.
  

So perhaps I fall into the category of the sappy optimist. Though I rather prefer a practical optimist, or an optimistic realist. Either way, I've decided that yes, sometimes the dream has turned into a nightmare. And we tell ourselves that we were simply fools for believing and that reality however bleak is better. We convince ourselves that it is better that we never dream at all. But I believe that the strongest of us, the most determined of us, holds on to the dream and most of the time find ourselves miraculously faced with a fresh dream a better dream that we have never considered as we stay the course and strive for the quest of the ideal. We wake to find ourselves, against all odds, feeling hopeful and excited, rejuvenated and believing. And I think ultimately, we realize that in the face of everything, in the face of life and all it throws at us, the true dream is being able to dream at all. So that's why I'm making and attempting to keep/realize all my New Years Resolutions.

2008: Find a Mate (Checked)

2009: Everything will be Fine... (on going process)