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August 2009 
What do you have the hardest time asking for?
Posted on Jan 4th, 2009
by 
Nece
Nece
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for January 04, 2009:
What God wants of me. I like to think that I'm this valiant disciple of Christ that would do whatsoever he asketh of me. But I know better, and I don't want to be in denial or lie. The truth is, I have a hard time letting go of what I want, and what I think the Lord wants of me, in order to truly listen and comprehend and then find the courage to simply do based on faith. Another thing I find the hardest time asking is money, especially finanical help from the people closest to me. I feel as if on some level if I don't make ends meet financially--starving college student putting herself through college--that I have failed. And I'll admit it, I'm a perfectionist. So admiting that I've failed and then putting this burden onto someone else and requesting for help, Even if they do love me and want to help it, to some degree, it just seems unfair to them. Ironically, on the other hand, I would give up everything and anything for the people that I love and care about. O wells, I guess it's something that I struggle with, and something that I'll have to accept or fix.
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Nece… I sooooo understand how you feel… at 42 and a returning student (you’re never too old)… i too have difficulty asking for financial help!
As to “being a valiant disciple of Christ”… though i no longer believe in any type of organized religion, i DO, with out a doubt, believe in the teachings of Christ!
He was one of the wisest teachers ever. We all have tendencies to be, for lack of a better word, selfish in some form or another, but i believe it is a matter of self-preservation to avoid the pain and humiliation of being rejected. What i have learned in my years on this beautiful earth is to listen to my inner voice, or you may say my heart and gut as to how to act/react to situations and people. As long as you follow that inner voice and you have Faith and a strong belief system… you will be fine! Yet never stop listening and trying to understand that inner voice.
Best wishes!!!
Dawn… AKA Counselor
Hey Denece:
I know I’m probably younger than you, in fact I bet I can guarantee it. But with regards to the faith question, I COMPLETELY understand! I recently led a retreat that I had gone on before myself, and one of the most profound parts going again was allowing God (or whatever higher power you care to acknowledge) to work through me.
I’d better stop myself before I start babbling, but my point is, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT beat yourself up over this! As long as you act with love and consideration, then you’re doing the right thing.
To Dawn: I agree, it’s never too late to return to school or never too old to learn for that fact. My mom graduated with her master’s in social work when she was close to 50. To you, the best of luck with your studies and career adventure. Furthermore I also concur that we all should pay closer attention to our inner voice, our gut feeling or our heart. Inherent within is our desires, our motivations, and glimpse at our true nature. And if everyone was simply more honest with each other and more honest with the people around them, the world would be a much better place.
To pANpIPE09: Thank you for your support. I’ll persevere in the right thing. Best of luck with everything that you’re going through too. (And age doesn’t mean anything to me, it’s merely a number and completely does correspond to one’s maturity or experiences.)