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appreciation
August 2009 
What question would you most like answered?
Posted on Jan 14th, 2009
by 
Nece
Nece
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for January 14, 2009:
Will we end up together? I want to know if Me and Peter are going to end up together? I both want to know the answer yet fear that what if it turns out to not be the answer that I want, am I going to be strong enough to handle it? Is my faith going to falter if something happens to him in the Middle East? Am I going to fall into some deep dark cavern and not recove for quite some time? Am I going to lose my hope in love and my faith in God, and my zest for life? Cause, he's grown to become my everything and I don't know what I'll be or how I'll be without him in my life.
And over the past few months, I've also come to some pretty sobering realization, that yes love is painful at times, and yes life doesn't always turn out the way you expect, and yes sometimes you don't even get to end up with the person that you love. The thing about life is that even if we go about doing it the "right" way, even after we find "the one", it doesn't necessarily mean that life is going to be a piece of cake. I think than an indispensable part of life is sorrow, heartaches, and different trials and obstacles that would threaten the world as you know it. Sometimes God has alternate plans for you, perhaps plans and destinies that are beyond your comprehension and your limited human scope, and sometimes in my emotional natural human mode, I struggle to have faith and hope and I struggle to do what I know is right, and do God's will. I'm flawed and afraid and both yearning to know and dreading the answer at the same time.
But I do believe that there needs to be opposition in all things, for without the misery in life, how are we to comprehend, recognize, and appericate the ultimate bliss that we'll experience. And soemtimes I believe that we have to not only survive the heartaches, but that's the only way we can learn and grow from them. The pain, the love, that we experience may logially be for nothing, because there are no concrete results. But the pain, the love, and the lessons of life that we experienced while going through those trials, allow us to emerge ont he other end stronge,r and with more clarity and perspective on who we are, what we want, and who the people we love are, and exactly what situation you and them are going through. I guess the old cliche line of no pain, no gain is also applicable to our personal lives.
He had a dream that he died. My friend--who receives revelations or visionary dreams--dreamt that both me and her were simply bawling our eyes out, but she won't disclose the details. It could be her mother's impending surgery for cancer, it could be Peter. And I'm afraid to know. On some levels, I'll admit that I don't know if I'll want to know, because I'll act differently towards him if it is my worst fear realized. I should stop worrying about things I can't control. I should appericiate what I've been given, I should be eternally grateful that he's returned back into my life for a second time. I don't know what the future holds for either one of us, but he's truly inspired me to become a better person. Not only has he opened my eyes up to believing in love and the possibility of happily-ever-afters, he's started me on the path towards establishing more meaning bonds that we can all create between ourselves and others that we love. He's inspired me to conquer my fears, to become brave and honest with myself and others. He's inspired me to fight for what I want and forge the future that I desire, no matter the mounting obstacles. He's inspired me to shed my cynical facade and emerge the true romantic (or optimistic realist) that I am. Granted, I may never be very girly, but I'm becoming more optimistic about human nature and the future. He's got me to truly believe that I could one day make my naiive little dream of changing the world a reality. Even if the only life I'm going to change for the better is merely just one individual, I can do it. I can be the voice for those who have none, I can stand up for the oppress. I can become someone's hero, for he's become mine. He's inspired me to become the best version of myself that I could possibly be. He loves me.
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