Happiness is what I'm feeling right now. I don't quite know how to describe it, perhaps it's because words don't do it justice, perhaps it's much more of a warm all enveloping feelings that my brain can't seem to comprehend in its entirety and the brain can't seem to label it with any sort of adjective or form sentences about it.

I'm happy. I'm truly happy.

My life has altered dramatically since the last time I've emailed you. I'm no longer on the fence about fairytales; I've thrown out the window a lot of my misconception about life and love and discovered my own meanings regarding those. I've learned what I truly want, what I need, and where my priorities lie. Even though the results are completely unexpected, completely different from what I thought I wanted for so long, I'm happy now.

I got an answer. I got an answer even if it wasn't the answer I wanted right then and there. It's the answer that was what's right for me, it was the answer that would lead to the best choice for me and everyone else involve and everyone else, strangers that I could influence in the future. I got an answer and it wasn't Peter. He was the love of my life. He was my first love. He was the boy that I thought I wanted to spend my life with. But he wasn't the best choice, he wasn't what I truly wanted or needed to be. Sometimes doing what's right, and being in love means letting go. Sometimes it means acknowledging the poignant and tragic fact that we simply aren't as compatible as we wanted or thought we could be for each other. It's acknowledging that he could be happier and more compatible with someone else and so can I. He was what I wanted but he wasn’t what I needed. I was what he wanted but I know that I won’t always be what he needs.

People don’t tell you that what you want isn’t always what you should do. People don’t tell you that you don’t always get what you want—and thank God, we don’t always get what we want—they don’t tell you that what you want is just based on your very limited perspective and desire and that perspective and desire changes as you grow. People don’t tell you that what makes you truly happy is what you should do because what you should do is base on your beliefs and those are core values that makes you who you truly are. People don't tell you that sometimes despite doing the right thing is what you should do, and it is what’s best for everyone involve. People don’t tell you that while choosing right and receiving the subsequent confirmation and reassuring peace of mind, you might also harbor conflicting emotions. People don't tell you that when you're doing what's right that when you break up with the supposed love of your life nearly rips you apart and that you'll still miss him at times and still love him perhaps for forever, but despite it all you'll still have that peace of mind.

Loving Peter and being with Peter was like having cancer. I understand that this analogy is crude and insensitive but it's entirely fitting.  He taught me a lot about life and love, loving him made me gain perspective. Loving him molded me into the woman I am today. I learned about what I want and needed in this life. I learned about love, what is love, how to love, and so much about him and myself. He's one of the best man that I've ever gotten the privilege to know in this life and for that I'm eternally grateful.

I don't discount anything that me and Peter shared. Peter was my first love and we were an epic fairytale event, and I know if we stayed together I would be torn in my happiness. I would have been torn between what I thought I wanted and what I truly needed. He wouldn't have been that happy if he had to change his whole life, daily actions, and beliefs for me either. People our generation are under a severe misconception that life are like the chic-flicks that we watch, but it isn't. Love shouldn't be this big struggle and war within yourself. The world we're living in today is already at war, love shouldn't be that hard. Loving Daryl was one of the easiest choices that I had to make. He first became my best friend and then slowly he became my lover.

Peter was a BIG part of my life, he help mold and craft me into the woman that I am today, he was my best friend for almost a year but what felt like years, and those emotional ties will take time to severe and those feelings will take time to wain. There are moments where I catch myself missing him...

Someone once told me that life is sorta like hiking a mountain. It's cloudy and we don't always know where we're going, we know the general direction of up and down and some of us know that we definitely want to get to the top no matter what it takes but most of us could never see quite beyond a couple of steps. Everytime we hit a plateau, we think we've reach the top. Yes, the view is spectacular but I was not at the top just yet. And that's what Peter was for me, he's was a plateau. It was a beautiful experience and a much needed life lesson, but he wasn't my summit. Now I have a clearer idea of what I want and need and what love and a relationship really could be, Daryl is my summit and with him I always feel like I'm on top of the world despite any and all circumstances. I simply love him.

His name is Daryl Woodfield. He's from Mapleton, UT. He is 24 currently going to BYU majoring in Asian Studies and Business. He served his mission in London, England, Mandarin speaking. He has brown hair blue eyes, is very tall 6'4". He is the fifth out of six kids. He's also one of my best friend. We could just spend hours with each other just talking to doing nothing, or doing everything. He makes me laugh, and he just gets me. He handles me really well, he understands the good, the bad, the ugly, and the crazy sides of me. And we are on the same level spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically (but not literally physically since he's a foot taller). Most importantly, I know without a doubt that it's the right thing to do. He's not just the guy I want to be with, he's also the guy I know I should be with. So there you go, that's the huge love hurdle that I overcame.